did i pick the right name?
i always disliked my birth name. i felt that it didnt fit me (go figure) and i went by other names when i could, such as with online friends when i was a teen. i had a long first name, so it was always shortened and i preferred it that way up until maybe a year before i transitioned. i started warming up to it in a radical acceptance kind of way. like, yeah my name is long and maybe its annoying to say in its entirety, but im going to make people (at work) do it anyway because its my name. thats the background.
when i adopted my chosen name, i felt internally seen. what i mean is that i could look in the mirror and be like "yes, i look like a ____" and thats because i do. it fit perfectly. it still makes me feel good to think about that, especially after so many years of being resigned to a name that didnt align with my soul.
that said, i had an interesting experience with my chosen name maybe about a year into my transition. it coincided with the reinvention of my fursona during the peak of Webfishing (a story for another day). i settled on the name Dizzy. the same Dizzy that informs my current online identity.
so whats the interesting experience? well, i had a bit of a crisis because i love the name Dizzy so much. i thought maybe i had chosen the wrong name. i love my chosen name, but Dizzy felt so good too. after pondering, i realized the issue. i felt so disconnected from my birth name that it also made it difficult to name OC's or really anything involving fictional characters that i created. so when i made Dizzy, i felt so connected to her that i confused her for myself. Dizzy is part of me, but my chosen name is my true name. now that i have a true name, i feel free to create new characters with names i love and express those pieces of myself in my art and share them with others.
i love my chosen name, but i also love when people call me Dizzy. sometimes i prefer it. Dizzy is me and i am Dizzy, but i am also my true name. I LOVE BOTH!!!!